Tuesday, March 8, 2011


So this week already has been vey difficult. I have been in a really bad funk. I feel like I am fighting depression or something. I have tried to handle this on my own but I am really week and I need help. I am asking all of you to stand with me in this battle that I am facing. Please pray that God will restore to me the joy that I had last week, he would help me to find within myself the determination to fight, and would remind me that he has already won this battle. .... Last night Matt and I went to Monday Night Prayer at E-Life. The theme for the night was that our stuggle is not agaist flesh and blood. That it is against the enemy. I have been feeling the attacks of the enemy really strong this last week. You know from my last post that I was really pumped up about how God had helped me and Matt overcome our addiction to pornography and that the Lord was going to use that for his glory. So dont you know that that is the very thing that satan threw back in my face. And so for several days now I have been struggling with this temptaion. I dont want to do this. I want to have God's best for my life and I know that his best is not an addiction to pornography. No only have I been struggling with that sin I have also been falling back into all the same habbits that I used to have. I have had soda's and lots of processed food. Again, I know that this is not God's best for me. Monday we had the weigh in for our weight competition at work. I didnt even weigh in because I knew that I had gained weight. I am seriously discourage right now. Last night I felt God telling me that my weight is Satan's victory. If he can keep me knocked down by this, then I will not be effective for God's kingdom. I dont want him to have that victory in my life. I want to serve God with the best of me. And right now I am not at my best.

I have been encouraged though by the book that I am reading. Made to Crave talks about how your sucess in your weightloss journey comes when you are craving God. And honestly I fee like that is where I am getting to. I dont know that I am totally there yet, but it feels so good to have even a small portion of the relationship with God that I used to have. It has been so good in the last few weeks to feel so close to him. I pray that it would not stop. I know that he will never let go of me. I just have to trust him. To seek his best.

In other news dad seems to be doing ok. He did not sleep well last night. So he slept most of the afternoon. But he was able to come to Lubbock and get some paper work taken care of for me. I am glad that he and I got to spend the afternoon togethor. My aunt and uncle are comming in this weekend. Bailey is so excited to see her cousins. Mom took her home with them tonight. We will be going out there on Sat morning. So glad that they are coming back. I love it when they are here and hate it when they leave. They are so much comfort for me.

This last week I also got a bonus at work. Matt and I decided to get Bailey a new bed and finish decorating her room. It was really fun. She is loving it and it makes me glad. We are not done yet. Still waiting on part of her bed but it is mostly done.

Well work in the morning. Better get some rest.